Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
