I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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