Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Randomize
