There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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