You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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