i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
