I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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