I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I am mentally ready for anal.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
