i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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