My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
