I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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