Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
