I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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