The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
