my room smells like sperm. sweet.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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