Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
