Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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