I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
