That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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