Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
