these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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