if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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