We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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