What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize