recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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