chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
porn star boner night. come get it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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