Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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