I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize