Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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