it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
