i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
