Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
