I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
