Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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