Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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