her vagine was all disorganized.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
