i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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