She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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