I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
