return my video game
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
