Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
