Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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