Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
