i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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