I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
