I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
