I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
