She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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