It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
