I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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