it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
