I cut my penus on the lid.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
