I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
