Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
