I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
