defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Randomize
