sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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