Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
