Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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