I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
