Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I want her autograph on my taint
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
