I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
