and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
