ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
they need to just BURY HIM!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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