Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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