Who wears a wallet chain?!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
