just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
