i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
